Birthday Reflections

Today is my birthday
and I received a warm wish from Anna's daughter Natalie
who thanked me for loving her mum so much
I felt it important to post my response to share with others here:


I love your mum a great deal
and she loves me in the same way
Our bliss is very natural and spontaneous

In Buddhism there is the idea of compassion or "bodhicitta"
this means love for all beings
I think this is profoundly important in a relationship
and the actual "secret" to true happiness

For a genuine relationship to flow effortless and free
we must love both the other person AND ourselves in the relationship

We know that the joy we bring our partner
is returned to us many times over
In bringing joy to another
that is the only genuine way that we ourselves can receive the others joy

If we were to take a selfish view instead
and try to GET joy for ourselves from the other
by controlling the other and dictating conditions to the other
that is when it backfires

What we create instead
is an environment for a desire and attachment filled relationship
where the conditions no longer exist for love to flow freely

When we perceive that something is wanted from us
we feel used and objectified
and that closes down our natural propensity to give
How does it feel when someone comes to us
and demands "I want this", "Give me that"?
It doesn't feel right, does it?
There is no sense of gratitude
no expression of appreciation of the other

For this reason
we have the paradox
that the selfish attitude when manifest in relationships
leads to the very failure of the relationship
while the limitless giving to our partner
is what creates the condition
for our partner's limitless giving to us

Many blessings