GRATITUDE FOR LIFE - A short book/poem

This morning I awoke before my love Anna did
I lay there watching her
as the blankets covering her moved up and down
following her breath
and I thought to myself:

She isn’t breathing
she is breathed
we aren't thinking
we are thought
we aren't living
we are lived

I began reflecting about life
as I often do while lying in bed
This time, because my colleague and I
could easily have lost our lives
on a highway accident the day before

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A HIGHWAY TALE

I was driving with my colleague Mike
He and I are pursuing a dream, a vision
both on our way to a meeting
to see if we could get financing to fulfill our dreams
(a meeting which we found out upon arrival was cancelled....what delicious irony!)

I had just picked Mike up
his car was in the shop for repairs
We just left downtown and pulled onto the freeway
and we happened to follow a large tow truck ahead of us
It was towing a bus that earlier had been completely engulfed in flames
I thought to myself: "Ah....this is the work of an arsonist that my wife and stepson were talking about earlier"
It was an orange bus
but the fire had transformed the insides into a rust brown
The roof was gone and it wasn't covered with a tarp or anything
It seemed a surreal sight
thousands of metal shards were waving in the air
like grass in the wind

No sooner had I finished this thought
when suddenly, a large chunk of debris seemed to magically lift itself off the bus
and became suspended above it like a cloud in the sky
Mike and I both stared transfixed at this roughly 8 ft. x 4 ft. piece of debris
as it flew high up into the sky above us
It was coming directly our way!
We didn't really know what it was
I remember my mind thinking: "My oh my, it looks like a large piece of paper!"

Time seemed to slow right down
It was definitely one of those slow motion moments for me
and the debris hung suspended in the sky above us like a cloud
changing it's shape as it danced in the wind
I could see it getting larger and larger
and I knew it was going to hit us
I reacted instinctively to try to avoid it
swerving to the right without even looking
I quickly glanced into the rear view mirror as I was swerving
and saw a black car swerve as well to avoid me
then I heard this sound
WHAM!
It struck the front of the car
and immediately, half of it went under
The other half was visible on the front grill
The car began dragging it and making this loud screeching sound of metal on pavement
A second later, Mike yelled "Stop the car! Stop the car!"
I didn't brake immediately, thank god
or it would have caused a multi-car pile up on the freeway

I decelerated slowly and came to a stop
Mike jumped out of the car to look at the damage
"Back up" he yelled and I did
I applied the handbrakes and steppped outside the car
and saw this piece of sheetmetal folded in half from being dragged by the car
We removed the piece of metal from the road
and placed the debris on the side of the freeway out of harm's way
I was mildly surprised that there was no damage to the vehicle
Except for a few scratches on the bumper
there was no sign that anything had happened
Cars that didn't know what just happened began honking
Mike said: "People are so impatient in this town, they don't think"
We hopped back into the car
and drove off to our meeting

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THE PRECIOUSNESS OF THIS LIFE

I thought later
life is so precious
and so transitory!
We get into a car to go to work
such an ordinary event
Yet, that mundane ordinary event
could be our last moment alive

We never think how our life will end
It could come as a surprise
and since most of our lives
are filled with ordinary, mundane things
the chances of it happening during such a moment
are quite good, aren't they?

It is therefore so important
to leave all beings with good thoughts, wishes and aspirations
no matter who they are
friends, enemies or strangers

All beings are the same
all want happiness
and all want not to suffer
all will see their last moment of life
as a monumental event

I think of Feica, Anna's teacher's wife
whom we've visited before
and who was just diagnosed with terminal cancer
and who is in her last days

I think of Vera
who just died recently


then I think of my step son
who doesn't even considere death except as a cartoon character he shoots
in a video game
whose mind is concerned
with keeping itself occupied
to whom a vacuum is to be abhored

Such concepts enters his mindstream
and leaves just as quickly

The young are often like this
they are just beginning their journey
going through the classical display of teenage bravado
and haven't had enough experiences in life to appreciate events that occur
at the end of their life

Time is one of our greatest teachers as he will learn
when Anna dies, his father dies,  I die or other he knows dies
when someone he REALLY knows dies
only then will death not be an abstraction

Wise is the person who will consider death
when it is still far off
Most, however, push it away, out of fear
and only deal with it when it is absolutely necessary
i.e. when it dawns as a near or dawning reality

I thought about how I say "I love you" to my wife Anna every morning
including this morning
(and evening and throughout the day!)
and how important it is to show people
how much you care for them

The expiry date on our life is unknown
it can come at any moment

Never take life for granted
the great teachers always say this
Seize the opportunity
this human life is precious
It is a gift bestowed upon every single living being
and it mustn't be wasted
in negativity, anger, violence of body, speech or mind

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THE DIVINITY WITHIN

There is a greater consciousness continually moving through us
always there
since the moment we were born
telling us
reminding us
of our greatness
of our natural communion with all beings and things

We are part of a greater being
an appendage
a vehicle to manifest its potential
and every seemingly mundane action, thought or feeling
is an expression of its divine nature
A forever, unnameable quality
which is not separate from us
but at our very core

Call it what you like
or don't call it anything at all
don't get caught up in semantics!
just realize that all names refer to this natural, innate intelligence

Regardless of it's name
this infinite wisdom is there
expressing itself in us at all time
whether we are happy, angry or sad
we are but expressions, paintstrokes of that great artist
expressing itself in all that we perceive around us
every second, every microsecond, every nanosecond
at all points of time and space and beyond
in every single thought, every single peception,
every moment of pain
or every moment of joy
through all the order and structure and pattern
that is the mosaic of our life

And we human beings
like all our cousins
our cousin tree, cousin bird, cousin stone, cousin mountain, cousin sky, cousin water
cousin cell phone, cousin movie, cousin computer, cousin buildings, cousin airplanes
are simply actualizing machines
we are simply actualizing and expressing its infinite potential at every moment

Or, you can think of it
as the greatest artist of all
painting infinite patterns all around us, including
the pattern of ourselves!

We only become aware of it
when it stops functioning within us

... when our body is no longer warm
... when these brains can no longer think
... when our kidneys stop filtering poisons
... when our stomach stops working
... when our thoughts become confused
... when our lungs stop breathing
... when our heart stops pumping blood

Sadly, it is often only then
when we begin to realize
what this life is about
and what it's not about
and that the way we've been living
is mostly what life is not about

Our smaller consciousness may think as it likes
but ultimately, it has little control over this life
What little power it does hold
gives it the desperately grasped illusion of permanence
so that it can masquerade it's fear of death
of falling into an abyss of unknown

Through this great unstoppable force
whose power is like a raging river after the winter melt
We have been brought into the theatre of life
Our lives are lived so that it can experience itself
through joy and pain
and finally, the greatest lesson
we are brought out of life


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THE LESSONS OF LIFE (AND DEATH)

All beings drift into our lives to teach us lessons
lessons about ourselves

My grandmother, who I loved and cared for
for almost 3 decades
taught me about love
but her greatest lesson
was in her death
which taught me about letting go

My wife Anna
teaches me about love as well
about sharing, giving and taking
about taking the journey of life together

Her son Neville
teaches me about patience
and seeing from a different point of view

and many others
all are my teachers

Of all teachers though
our "enemies" and obstacles
are our greatest teachers

They are
because these situations
are situations we naturally avoid
that we push away

If we are pushing away situations though
that means we can never learn important lessons about ourselves
contained in those situations

There are some people
who can accept and live harmoniously
with many types of people
while there are others
who can only live with specific types of people
and must control circumstances
to push those who bring discomfort out of their lives

Looking at our friends and our enemies
reveal a great deal
about our awareness and our ignorance
We don't want others teaching us about our faults
because our smaller self feels it is being criticized
but if we can look at these things ourselves
then we can gain insightful knowledge about ourselves
without mixing up and confusing good intentions with bad

Why is this important to face our obstacles?
Why is it important to learn these lessons?

It is our obstacles that make us stronger, wiser and more aware
Good athletes play against those as good as them
great athletes play against those who are better than them

Our greater consciousness
is like a strong ocean current from which there is no escape
pulling us ever closer towards our mortality
It is of the greatest importance to our spirit
to be aware of what and who we really are

All that we do
must be seen from the point of view of our life and death
because as human beings
as living beings
it is our basic reality

A living being
is a dying being

To embrace life
but hide from death
is only living to half our potential
and dying with that kind of mystery
is dying with the anxiety of that mystery

It is only by living in the light of truth and openness
that our own spirit can find solace and wisdom at our last moment

Death can come at any moment
As many great teachers have said
at the moment of our death
our entire life will appear
as if it were last nights dream

What can you remember from last nights dream?
It is so vivid when we are right in the midst of it
but when it's recalled as a memory
it is very vague, conceptual and sketchy

Look at your life right now
Your entire life
up to now
is like last night's dream
isn't it?
Sketchy, a vague memory
while the present
is full of vitality, dimensionality, vibrancy, color
it's so alive

So one day
on your own deathbed
your entire life will appear
as a momentary and vague, sketchy memory

What will you do
at that very last moment?
We ignore this question now
at the risk of living in that uncertainty at the last moment

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GRATITUDE FOR LIFE

Just as I say "I love you" to my wife Anna each morning
I just wanted to say
I am thankful each and every being
who has entered into my life

We all start as strangers
and the faces become more and more familiar
others become less familiar
yet fundamentally
we are all cast from the same stone
from the greater consciousness

You have each entered my life
through front door, back door or side door
and sometimes
even dropping in through the roof!

Each of you have been my teachers
opening up my awareness
teaching me something about myself
on my journey of my life

May you all find your bliss
may you each recognize the opportunity you now have before you
discover the greater consciousness within you
and grow to your greatest potential of love and kindness
I may be far from many of you
but you are all close to me in my heart

Many Blessings

How wonderous
this ordinary, familiar moment called life

I am humbled
to have somehow been allowed to come into being
into human being
and to drink in the artform constantly created before me

There's nothing to do
IT jjust comes of its own volition
Even my will is not mine to have
IT simply appears and manifests
in forms, in thoughts, in every single appearance bar none

My hopeless attempts to explain IT
themselves arisen right from IT
so, knowing where thoughts comes from,
just let understanding go
and allow it to settle back to its source

Join to make a unique offering of a compassionate deed to His Holiness on his 50th year in exile, March 17, 2009